Importance of forbearance (need to edit)

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

Our Prophet (saw) has given us example of beautiful life. He has shown how homes will flourish. Whoever accepts that method, that home will be recipient of ‘happiness’. To summarize the method is one word, forbearance.

Here comes the husband, ‘I want things my way’. Here comes the wife, ‘I want things my way’. You have lighted a fire that won’t be put out. Relationships only work when there is compromise. Relationships don’t thrive when someone is trying to dominate the other. You need to compromise. You need to tolerate. Whoever learns forbearance, I take oath by Allah that their life will be beautiful.

Prophet (saw) & in-law interference

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches and notes.

Once Fatima (rad) and Ali (rad) had a disagreement. We are living in this world not heaven, there are bound to be disagreements.

Prophet (saw) came to the house of Fatima and he did not find Ali in the house whereupon he said: “Where is your uncle’s son?”

Fatima (rad) replied: (There cropped up something) between me and him which had annoyed him with me. He went out and did not rest here.” (Muslim) 2409)

Prophet (saw) didn’t say to the people go and fetch Ali (rad) for me. He (saw) being father of daughter himself went out to see the son in-law.

Prophet (saw) came to him and found him lying in the mosque and saw that his mantle had slipped from his back and his back was covered with dust and Prophet (saw) began to wipe it away from him (from the body of Ali) saying: Get up, covered with dust (Abu Turab); get up, covered with dust. (Muslim 2409)

He (saw) said it with love ‘Abu Turab’ father of dust. This title given by Prophet (saw) as an expression of love. meaning disagreements happen between husband and wife but my love for you has not decreased.

All of world wouldn’t make Ali (rad) as happy as this title.

Sahl bin Sad reported “There was no name dearer to Ali than Abu Turab (for it was given to him by Prophet himself) and he felt delighted when he was called by this name”. (Muslim 2409)

If in-laws need to interfere, they should interfere as Prophet (saw). There needs to be genuine effort to reconcile not exasperate the situation not focus on asking questions such that conflict becomes bigger. This is not how you reconcile.

Usually they interfere and further worsen the situation. Sometimes its the parents of husband, sometimes its the parents of wife. Parents should get involved to create reconciliation not to make things worst. Some parents interfere for the sake of interfering not to reconcile.

Look at the irony! A mother and father for their son cry to Allah to get him married. A mother and father for their daughter cry to Allah to get her married. Later they themselves become the reason for their son or daughter to get divorced.

Petty reason causes divide

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

I visited one of my uncles and told him I will see you again at this relative’s wedding.

He said “No I will not be attending”.

I asked “How come?”

He replied “When it was my son’s wedding, I visited in person to give them the wedding card. But to me they send someone to give me the invitation. They didn’t come in person like I did”.

It was a petty reason not to attend the wedding. For petty reasons people fall into disagreements.

“Hold fast, all of you, to the cord of Allah, and be not divided”. (3:103)

People should apply this verse in their social dealings such as the one I mentioned.

Learn to let go of fights and arguments. Let go of holding onto hatred.

Value your time.

Ask someone on their deathbed, all this time you spent hating someone what benefit did you derive from it?

All this time you spent arguing someone what benefit did you get?

Learn to ask forgiveness. Learn to forgive.

Oath is not needed

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

If you reflect in the Quran:

“And whose word is more truthful than Allah’s?” (4:122)

“You will find no change in the way of Allah” (35:43)

“No one can change the words of Allah” (6:34)

“there is no change in the words of Allah” (10:64)

“this (the Quran) is a decisive word, and is not to be taken lightly”. (86:13)

So many verses to indicate there can be no change and alteration in words/promises of Allah. Thus, we should be willing to accept words of Allah without any oath.

However Allah has taken oaths in Quran to emphasis importance of what is being said. If someone continues to take on several oaths, it grabs attention of the listener and they start to worry what is going to be said next.

“By the sun and its brightness, and the moon as it follows it, and the day as it unveils it,

and the night as it conceals it! And by heaven and ˹the One˺ Who built it, and the earth and ˹the One˺ Who spread it! And by the soul and ˹the One˺ Who fashioned it, then with ˹the knowledge of˺ right and wrong inspired it!” (91:1-8)

Here Allah has taken not one, two, three but seven oaths: sun, moon, day, night, sky, earth and soul.

“Successful indeed the one who purifies their soul, and doomed is the one who corrupts it!” (91: 9-10)

To say what? Per guidance of Islam, an individual is successful who continuously committed to self betterment and improvement.

Soft & Gentle temparement core of religion

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches and my notes. A major reason for increase in divorces and breaking of families is character.

Central core of the religion is gentleness not harshness. Yes, the acts of worship are vital and have their own place. But what glues everything together is gentleness.

Allah says:

“So it is through mercy of Allah that you are gentle to them”.  (3:159)

Who are Companions of Prophet (saw)? We believe they are the best of humanity after Prophets. Sincerity is something subtle that no one prior to death can lay claim to. But the Companions were such that Allah testified to their sincerity:

“…they were seeking grace of Allah and His pleasure…” (59:8)

Other places Allah has mentioned:

“…give other preference over themselves even though they are in poverty…” (59:9)

“You see them bowing and prostrating in prayer…” (48:29)

There are many other verses in quran and sayings in hadith that speak on virtues of Companions. However what is Allah saying to Prophet (saw):

“Had you been rough and hard hearted, they would have dispersed from around you”. (3:159)

If Prophet (saw)’s speech and temparement would have been harsh, they would have ran away from you. After Prophets, the Companions are best of humanity nevertheless they were still human. Even people with such sincerity, spiritual and moral status wouldn’t have tolerated harshness. What then about people now?

A husband’s speech and temparement is harsh.

Or a wife’s speech and temparement is harsh.

This will break the marriage and harm family. The children will not get a good nurturing environment.

My advice to students of knowledge is also the same, is your learning making you harsh or gentle? Our role model is Prophet (saw). Learn to swallow bitterness, learn to love, learn to smile.

This is why Prophet (saw) said:

“O ‘Aishah, verily Allah is kind and loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon harshness..” (Muslim 2593)

Life, Death & Prophets

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

This life is a trust. I didn’t commence it. Neither do I know when it will end. Its someone else who begins and ends life.

It is important for me to know who is that? Because if I know who it is. I can then ask why have you created me? I didn’t apply to be here. Neither did anyone of you apply to be here.

Is what I am currently doing or trying to accomplish, is this my purpose?

Pursue wealth, get to that stage where you simply accumulate and collect money until you die. Then when death comes, you go empty handed. Just get money from whatever means, whether its cheating, deceiving, committing fraud, wronging someone, lying to someone. Doesn’t matter as long as there is money. After collecting all of this, one dies leaving behind what’s been accumulated.

Is this the purpose of life?

Why is this death coming? No one wants to die. None of us wants to die. But death is behind, pursuing us. No one can escape it.

Ali (rad) said “No one can fight against death. Whoever tried, failed. Whoever ran, got caught. Who fought was defeated”.

After death where does this human being go? These are critical and vital questions. My own intellect is unable to answer this. Is there anything after death? Is that the end of story?

Someone died laughing, someone died crying, someone died being an oppressor, someone died being a victim, someone died being chaste, someone died promiscuous. That’s the end. Or is there more to it?

This sky, earth, wind, sun, moon, stars, day, night, river, lakes, ocean, fish, scorpion. What is all this? Who has created all this? The answer to this doesn’t lie within the intellect of the human being.

(1) Who am I?

(2) Why have I been created?

(3) Why have we come here in this world?

This knowledge is given to Prophets which is to acknowledge and recognize one’s Creator.

Nothing happens by Itself

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches and my notes.

In every time and place, a group of people will continue to say:

“Impossible, simply impossible is what you are promised!” (23:37)

“There is nothing beyond our worldly life. We die, others are born, and none will be resurrected”. (23:37)

So after death, there is nothing. The End.

What is the implication of this?

Do whatever you feel like, do whatever you want, and live however you want.

Everything came into existence by itself. Everything is happening by itself.

Poet Iqbal said: Nothing in this world comes into its final form by itself is not made into Sword by itself

If you leave the iron for a million years, will it automatically turn into a sword?

Or if you leave cotton for a million years, will it automatically convert into a shirt for you?

This doesn’t happen.

Nothing happens by itself.

“(Allah is) the originator of the heavens and the earth”. (6:101)

Being Stingy, Anger and Righteousness

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

“And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden [i.e., Paradise] as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous” (3:133)

Who are the righteous?

“(1) Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and (2) who restrain anger and (3) who pardon the people” (3:134)

Here it mentions their characteristics.

(1) One who spends in both ease and hardship. We learn here despite how many acts of worship he/she does, a stingy person will not be considered righteous.

(2) Who restrain their anger.

Praying night (tahajud), completing Hajj, remembering Allah profusely, reading complete quran, listening to complete quran.  All of this is easier in comparison to controlling anger.

Indeed, all ritual acts of worship such as prayer, reading quran are difficult. But what is more difficult is to control one’s anger. A person is able to express his anger but still restrains it.

(3) Who forgives others.

Its not that one just restrains their anger. But they also forgive.

Character, Fragrance, Marriage

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

Allah is saying to Prophet (saw):

“…nor can you replace any of your present wives with another, even if her beauty may attract you (husnuhunna)…” (33:52)

Despite how beautiful another woman is, your wives are not to be replaced.

Word used here ‘husn’ meaning external beauty.

However when it comes to marrying, Allah mentions:

“…then marry other women of your choice (taba)…”

Word used here is ‘taba’ meaning someone suitable. There is emphasize here on character.

‘Taba’ related to word ‘tayba’ meaning good fragrance.

You cannot see fragrance. But you can smell and experience it. It gives you a good feeling.

A person’s good character is like fragrance. It gives you a good feeling.

By using this word ‘taba’, Allah is saying not to make priority external appearance but character.

Two types of Sinners

Excerpt from Tariq Jameel’s speeches.

Two types of Sinners:

(1) What is this? To say Allah is forgiving. Is Allah unjust? This is first type of sinners.

One individual is dancing in a club. Other individual is praying at night. Are these two the same?

“shall We make the obedient like the sinners? What has happened to you? How do you judge? Do you have a book in which you read” (68:35-37)

Are the obedient same as sinners? No they are not. Is there another book that you are referring to where it says that a person committing adultery at night and person praying at night? That they are both forgiven.

“shall We make the God fearing equal to the sinners?” (38:28)

No! Don’t be foolish. Don’t act blind. Rather there are consequences to actions.

(2) But if one repents, how quick is Allah’s mercy?

This is second type of sinners who think that they have committed so many sins that there is no forgiveness for them. Allah is explaining to them:

“O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah”. (39:53)

Observe what is being said? “O My servants…” (39:53) Everyone is Allah’s servant. But why is Allah mentioning specifically “My servants”.

Like a child standing at the door afraid of his mischief. He peaks through the door with the worry that he will be punished. Mother sees and calls him towards her “come my child, come to me”. As soon as child hears ‘my child’, he runs towards the mother and hugs her. She hugs him.

Allah is saying to them “My servants”. How can I explain how much love there is in these words?

Allah is not referring here to people that pray at night, fast, performed haj, people with fear of Allah, scholars, people who learnt sayings of Prophet (saw) as “My servants”. Rather these are sinners who have not done any good.

“…who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning]..” (39:53)

They are being told

“…do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Surely, Allah will forgive all sins” (39:53)